It's soothing. My eyes seem to burn from crying too much. They're red, with kohl smudged. There's no blood. Surprising how painless it can be. Feels like mourning for a close one's death. The times when it feels like your own funeral. Maybe this time it is. Who knows?
The Wait is exactly that. Not knowing and wondering what oblivion can be like. Forgotten or gone? Not wanted or running away? What difference does it make. I chose after you did.
Mourning for your own death. It's black; like an abyss. No one's here anymore. Not you, not me. I'm empty inside and that hollowness creates an echo. It sings inside me, it makes me cold; so cold that it makes me burn.
There were vivid memories. Now they tumbled into that abyss where no one's home now. The darkness swallowed the pictures and raped the love. It created that abyss where no one's home now.
I don't even know if it's over or not. If it is, I can't say goodbye. I can't because I don't want you to know. Not this time. I want to go away alone. But I need you to know that you gave meaning to my life.
If I'm still here, I'll just have to try again. And again. Until I can be successful. I told you that you are my life. Without you I can't go on. I won't lie. If I tell you, I know you might try something. Or you might think I'm blackmailing you. I'm not. I'm only trying to tell you that I'll always love you. It's my final try, if something happens.
I don't want to go. Hold on to me. Don't let me go. You're the only one who can help. I don't want to leave so soon. I wanted a life with you. I wanted to have your children. Grow old with you. And now, it's all gone.
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