Everything will be okay. I know now that we're meant to be together and nothing in the world can change that. I'm sorry for my mistakes and I promise I'll make it better. I want you to be happy and I want you to smile again. I'll do anything it takes from my side. I pray for you now and I know things have gotten so bad but now they have to get better. We'll make it okay together. The only good thing that came out of it was that it made me realize that you really are my life and everything wrong that happens to you hurts me as much as it hurts you, if not more. I know you're facing a lot, things you don't deserve and you sometimes ask yourself why but someday you'll be as happy as you are sad today. Things will get better and we'll be together.

I was being stupid when I told you that I'm not sure of you. I was being stupid, talking to another guy, trying to make you jealous. He can never be you. No one can. No one can take your place and understand me like you do. They think they do but they don't. He can never really give me anything you give me. That's the most important thing for me. He's not you. And I can't afford to lose you because I haven't met anyone like you before. I am glad I fell in love with you. I am so grateful that we're together. I can never leave no matter how many problems you and I have. Even if he thinks he gets those problems, he doesn't. Even if he thinks he can make it a thousand times better, he can't. No one can except you. You are perfect for me Ajat. I love you for all your imperfections and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and no one else. I started anew.

Going through the day wearing makeup and then crying at night, that's my routine. You know the two things that I remember the most everyday? The perfection on my face that I paint every morning and the cheeks running with grey lines and acid like concealer stains. Makes me wonder which is worse.

Make me happy, won't you? I have somewhere else to go.

You're not there when I need you the most. Today my results came out and I was scared. I didn't want to tell anyone and I wanted you to be on the phone with me when I checked. But you didn't pick up. I checked the website on my own and messaged you that I had passed.

You're like a stranger to me. Far away. I don't know how long I can do this. Beg you to stay with me when I see that you don't need it as much. Someday I want to stop needing you. I want to stop bleeding for you. I want to move on. I don't want to cry in front of you anymore. I want to be able to end this. I'm not happy.