Today, was it really necessary? When you told me that you took your ex for dinner when she was in town (while something had happened between you and me and I was hoping for a relationship) then obviously it hurt me today. I get that you weren't completely over her and that you were confused but you realize that you haven't really taken me out for dinner or lunch alone ever. Maybe in Bangalore (once) and in Calcutta (on my birthday) which was only because it was my birthday. So it makes me feel bad. I expect to feel special at times and spend time with you alone instead of being with 2-3 people all the time. I'm not saying that your ex meant more to you or you did more stuff for her or anything, but you did it because you had lost her and then you realized that you needed to these things.
I know we have time together before we leave for post graduation but it's been a long time since we started dating and I expect something from you sometimes.
I'll never tell you but it hurts me a lot. I don't want expensive gifts, like you think, or drives, or regular lunches and dinners, just something special, a gesture from your side to show me that I mean something to you. I just need that bit of reassuring too that I'm doing a good job. When you bought me the Kohl, you can't imagine how much it meant to me. It wasn't the price, the brand or any such thing, it was just that you kept it in your mind and took that initiative only because I had lost my Kohl.
If we're alone, you call others to join us most of the times. I get the feeling that you get bored of me or there's something that's always going on in your head, when you're around me. You always want something better. Maybe, I can't give you that "something" so you call people who you have more fun with. I know we have our special moments too, but that's when you don't have to be at other places to meet other people. There's no poker, no friends to meet, no phone calls to attend to.
You know, even though you might not admit to this but you've taken me for granted. I guessed that this would happen because I just keep doing things for you and you get used to them. You know if you threaten to leave me, I'll come crying to you. You know I'll always sort things out and say sorry. What if one day, you threaten to leave me and I actually believe you? What if I don't come crying back? What if I don't say sorry, if it isn't my fault?
Imagine not seeing me after that. Not holding my hand, making fun of me and letting me pull your cheeks. Imagine not hearing my voice first thing in the morning and not having me to discuss bad beats and quads over full-houses. Imagine having to face the managers, vodafone customer service people and waiters alone when you don't have me to talk to them anymore? Imagine forgetting your wallet or your books in someone's car or a restaurant when you don't have me constantly nagging you about them. Imagine going to BNR alone in the cab all over again. Imagine not having me around to hold when you need someone. Imagine not being able to tell me again that you love me. Imagine not knowing what I'm doing anymore.
Then will you make me feel special, when you finally know that I might not come back.
Then will you take me out for dinner?
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