In return you called me a bitch, a whore and said that you regret being with me. I know I'm not doing anything in life and that I spend my time only with you; maybe I'm wrong in doing that but I only did it because I thought you respected it. I know you'll think that I only think about myself; that's not true. I think about you and about your life before mine. I want you to be successful and happy. I never want you to be sad, if you're having problems, I wish I could take them away from you, all onto myself. You think I manipulate you and everything is about me, that's not true. I ran out that night because that's the only way I could get your attention, I was so desperate. And today, it was the same thing. And when you said that you didn't care, you broke my heart. There was this hopelessness that filled my heart, this sadness that will remain inside. I feel empty, you changed things.
You get very affected when we fight and you think about it a lot. But eventually, you'll get over it. The thing with me is, I'm going to be okay right now, but I'll never forgive you. EVER. I wasn't playing games or trying to blackmail you. I was scared of losing you, I was scared that you care less. And when you said I can do what I want, when I was in the middle of the road, I felt empty. I've never been this sad in my life. I'm writing all of this here because if I dare to say anything to you, you'll tell me that it's all about me and that I won't understand. I need to stop telling you and I need to stop crying in front of you.
I don't want this to end but I don't know if it'll go on for long. You doubt it so that makes a break up more likely. I guess I need to prepare myself for it because sooner or later you'll want to leave. I don't think I'll understand but I won't have a choice. What I've shared with you, I can't share with anyone else. I've literally given you my life and I can't take it back. It feels so bad right now, like something died inside me. I swear, I'm really tired and you know, when I cut myself, the pain that I feel: that's just better than how I'm feeling right now. I get why people hurt themselves, it's a good alternative to how you're making me feel right now.
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