You never understood how much I missed you and by saying "I miss you" I was only letting out an emotion. You never did care while you were away. When you've got things to do, people to visit, it's like I'm not there. I think of you wherever I go and I remember to make you a part of my world, even though you're physically not in it. You won't ever understand. Instead, you said you didn't love me anymore. That I suffocate you and that you dislike me as a person.
I did not mean to ruin your vacation in any way. I only wanted ten minutes from your day. But you made fun of me. You mocked me and said that I've got nothing to say anyway so we talk about the same things over and over again. You know how that makes me feel? Have you considered what you put me through each time for something comparatively tiny from my end?
I was hurt because you lied to me which is in my nature. I have tried to understand you as a person and accept your shortcomings no matter what anyone says. It is a really small thing to just give me what I want at one point but you won't. I've come to terms with that. I get it now. I will never say anything to you. If you have anything else, I will step off and let you take charge. I won't ever tell you the things in my heart because you take all of those things and use them in your anger. You bring me down to my knees and make me beg you after every fight. I'll do it, now, willingly. I won't cry. I'll just be with you like I am with everyone else. You aren't a part of me anymore, just someone I love. You couldn't respect me. If I was angry, you could have apologized for lying. Instead you turned it around, to which I reacted by saying something hurtful to you. And then you called me a whore and swore that you didn't love me anymore. That I repulsed you. You know, I cry every night thinking about this. I'm crying right now. But I won't tell you anymore. Nothing you do will fix this for me. Nothing you say will bring back what we had. It broke.
You brought me to a point where I thought of killing myself. I was so lost that I had to confide in someone who I hardly knew. Only because I couldn't tell my friends anymore. I needed help and that's the only help I got. I couldn't keep it inside me anymore. Not when you said you wouldn't care if I left. I dreamed of someone who would hold me and whisper things in my ear. I dreamed of him to make me the center of his life and love me for who I am. I dreamed of a man who would love to spend time with me and be intrigued by me at every stage of being together. You, I thought, was him. But you aren't that man. You don't even like to spend time alone with me. You, instead, tell me how boring it gets. I can't offer you anything new, only myself. If you don't like that, I will change. But it's not me anymore. And then someday you'll know that you aren't in love with the same person. That'll be the end.
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