Even when you're beside me, I feel like I'm alone.
Every fight, every argument, every lie; it divides us and takes us further and further from each other.
Do we know each other anymore?
I crave to spend time with you and that's something you hardly give me. Why? I am a part of your life and I always come in the end. Because it's so easy to explain to me, because it's so easy to just push me away when I'm not needed. "I'll call you later" and "I don't want to talk right now". It's so easy, right?
I wanted this for 5 months before I actually got it. I've craved for you, cried for you, thought about you all night long. I've needed you so much at times that I haven't been able to sleep. I knew it would be difficult, considering our egos and our needs. But I also thought it would be mutual. I know I make many mistakes but do you realize that by not talking to me and by walking out, you are the one blowing it out of proportion? I can't win arguments with you. Enjoy your victory but know that you lose. You're losing me and this is just the beginning. Don't let this go; it's something I haven't felt before and I think I never will. That's what I'm hanging on too but I won't be able to do it for very long.
Today I cut myself because that was the only thing I could do. All the pointless arguments, they don't matter. What matters is that I hardly get to see you alone and I miss you. I miss you to an extent that I can do anything to be with you right now. ANYTHING.
Don't lie to me. I can't take it. It breaks me from inside and you've done it again. I can't trust you anymore and you just won't get it. You think that it's all about making things okay in the end but things cannot be okay anymore. Not when you lie to me. I haven't been able to tolerate a lie EVER. I just can't take it.
I love you a lot.
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